Scooby Doo and the Planet of Monsters
by B-man3
Summary: With a title this bad, the fic must be good!
1. Default Chapter

Scooby Doo and the Planet of Monsters  
  
Hi there! I'm Glenn Gibbs! We're introducing a new kind of Scooby Snacks and THIS one is way better than all 7 of the other types of Scooby Snacks! These new and improved Scooby snacks have all the munchin and chrunchin good taste of the acclaimed Scooby snacks you love but this time we've added a special ingredient that almost got us taken off the market! Buy new and improved SCOOBY SNACKS!  
  
The slobber of a great dane rolled down the display window of a TV store having watched the advertisement in question.  
  
"Rooby Racks... rust get rooby racks" he said, almost robotically.  
  
His owner Norville "Shaggy" Rodgers accompanied by Fred Jones exited the TV store carrying a wide-screen TV which they loaded into the back of their van, the mystery machine.  
  
"Scooby! Come on we're going!" Shaggy called.  
  
"Rokay" Scooby replied.  
  
Scooby joined Shaggy and scrambled into the back of the van using the two rear doors while Fred got into the front seats next to the other members of Mystery Inc, Velma Dinkley and Daphne Blake.  
  
"Widescreen??" Exclaimed Daphne, observing the television set the boys had just bought. "We only needed a portable to get ghostly news reports from."  
  
"But this set was really cheap!" Shaggy protested  
  
"It would have been even cheaper if we just bought a radio!" Velma groaned  
  
"Radios? Peh, who wants to HEAR something happen? TVs show you want they're on about" Fred replied "There's nothing you could hear on a radio that you couldn't hear through a glass against the wall"  
  
"Fred you read that directly out of the pamphlet!"  
  
"Sorry"  
  
"Like Fred, why didn't you ask me to like, turn to the pamphlet channel using the new Digital Satellite TV subscription! Discovery Science for Velma, Style for Daphne, General Entertainment for Fred and 7 channels of quality cookery channels for me and scoob!" Shaggy said "They even have a clock channel!"  
  
Coming up on the clock channel ... Six o'clock!  
  
"Rait, I've reen this rone!" Scooby groaned  
  
"They must think that slackers like you two will watch anything!" Daphne said  
  
The Watching Paint dry channel is proud to present a latex, semi-gloss, tan enamel for your viewing pleasure.  
  
"oooooh, what was I thinking?" moaned Shaggy, instantly regretting his purchase. "What a waste of money"  
  
"Well try and get something out of it" Fred said "I paid good money for that TV"  
  
They switched the TV to a news broadcast.  
  
... and the great dane puppy with the gland disorder was put to sleep earlier today. In other news, citizens of Coolsville were outraged and/or suspicious of strange psychedelic painted vans that have been appearing all over town. The vans in question have been reported to have rotating camcorders attached to the roof along with photography equipment that have been taking pictures of the town's residents. So what is this down to? Perverted Hippies with a surveillance habit? A government conspiracy? Or maybe we should join many others and point the finger squarely at top crime-solvers mystery incorporated.  
  
The scene flickered to some age-old archive footage of the gang, having retro hair styles (even for them).  
  
Mystery Inc. has been unmasking ghosts for the last ten years with their lovable dog Scooby Doo but have they now wandered off into Scooby... poo? More on the story along with clever but demeaning puns after the break.  
  
"This is terrible!" Velma exclaimed, "everyone in town hates us because of these mysterious vans that look like the mystery machine!"  
  
"Guys, it looks we've got another mystery on our hands!"  
  
"Fred, like, why do you always say that?" asked Shaggy  
  
"Shag, it's the only catchphrase I've got. Don't take that away from me" Fred replied "Now then, if these Mystery Machine look-a-likes are as authentic as they're made out to be then they'll be made by the same company"  
  
"Then that company will be CarCo!" Daphne deduced, remembering the name well.  
  
"CarCo, very original" groaned Velma.  
  
Some time later, the van turned up outside CarCo. From his office, a man called Dave Ward saw them and called to another man.  
  
"Mystery Inc are here Norman! Open the door!"  
  
Workers quickly obliged and swung open the doors before Daphne could even reach for the doorknob. The gang found themselves being dragged into Dave's office.  
  
"Mystery Inc and Scooby Doo! I've been waiting for you all morning!" he said  
  
"You were waiting for us?" asked Fred  
  
"Like, you'd think with everyone in town after us, no one would want to see our faces again!" Shaggy remarked, "Like, you're not carrying a pitchfork are ya?"  
  
"No" Dave chuckled "I really do need your help to solve a mystery. I was a loyal follower of yours so I deduced that a gang of crime-solvers like yourselves would be far more likely to solve the mystery rather than start it"  
  
"Good thinking" said Daphne "You could give us a run for our money. What was it that you wanted to talk about?"  
  
It all started last Saturday night, I was visiting a friend of mine called Bradley Herman who was a farmer out in the country. It wasn't a voluntary visit, in fact, the phone call he gave me sounded like something you guys would hear. He said.  
  
"Those meddling kids! Come look at what they did to my field!"  
  
Well I couldn't think of why any of you guys would have anything to do with a solitary farmer like that, so I rushed right over. When I got there, Bradley took me out to his cornfield where he showed me a crop circle. Only it wasn't a crop circle. It was diamond shaped with the initials SS in the centre.  
  
"Jinkies, what a strange story!" Velma said "What could these crop, um... diamonds mean?"  
  
"You mean you don't know?" asked a bemused Shaggy "Velma, if you don't know, ha, who does?"  
  
"Rooby racks!" Scooby suggested  
  
The gang cast there mind back to when they went to the TV store.  
  
"Oh yeah, the logo for Scooby Snacks looked like those Crop diamonds!" Daphne said  
  
"I'm convinced someone's trying to land you in it. Or at least it was you that Bradley accused" said Dave "Daft old man, always says the first thing that pops into his head. Once he was cocksure that the film Independence day was stolen from a letter he'd sent to the white house!"  
  
"Ne he he he he he he he he he he he!" Scooby giggled, rather amused.  
  
"Gang, I'm guessing that our next stop is at Bradley Herman's farm to interview Bradley" Fred announced "But before we go a question for you Mr Ward - If you're so sure we're innocent how come you're making loads of vans that look like the mystery machine?"  
  
"It's not my fault" Dave protested "I received an order last week for a load of them saying that they were in top demand. The order's signed by a guy called Archie Martins. Here, take it. It can be your first clue"  
  
Velma studied the clue "You got this a week ago you say? A week ago we were out of town solving the mystery of a phantom hippy-hater!"  
  
"Don't remind me!" Shaggy groaned  
  
"Okay" Said Velma "We're in hotter water now, despite how hard that baseball bat was"  
  
"Didn't I say not to remind me?" 


	2. Part Two

Part Two

"For the last time Mr Herman, what happened?"

"I ain't saying nothing!" replied the grumpy old farmer "I know that it was you who put that crop diamond in my field and you're not going to use quotes from an interview with me to make clues to cover your tracks!"

"Far out!" exclaimed Shaggy "Your theory that is"

"Mr Herman, why would we travel mile upon mile in a van that all the town hates to spend all night with ropes and boards making a meaningless crop diamond?" Daphne asked sharply.

The defiant farmer was silent for a second. "I see I have thought this through" he said "So I'll tell you what actually happened on the night. Lord knows SOMEONE has to make sense of it all"

Last Saturday I received a phone call from some wacko who tried to call in to a radio station but got the wrong number. He said something like "Mystery Inc don't solve mysteries that excite me anymore and I think what Buddy Ford is doing with them this time around is much more better and I'll be paying a lot more interest in their activities"

"Jinkies" Velma remarked "Who's Buddy Ford and what's he doing with us?"

"And why don't our mysteries excite people anymore?" asked Daphne, annoyed.

"This mystery is getting more mysterious by the minute" said Fred

Shaggy grinned "And I thought you said you only had one catchphrase"

"Sometimes I feel like a side of beef," sighed Fred

"3 catchphrases! Keep 'em comin' Fred!"

The gang climbed back into the Mystery Machine. "Don't worry Mr Herman" Said Fred "We'll get to the bottom of this mystery, or we're not Mystery Inc!"

"Actually not being Mystery Inc would be quite a good idea!" Bradley replied "Best to lie low with all the town hating you n' all!"

"Never!" ordered Fred defiantly "When the going gets tough, Mystery Inc gets going! And we don't change our name!"

And with that, he reversed the van onto the dusty road and set off again.

"Ok," Said Velma "Here are our suspects so far"

Glenn Gibbs – He's the one in charge of promoting the new kind of Scooby Snacks, maybe he put the crop diamond in the field as a publicity stunt

Dave Ward – He welcomed us with open arms and told us about the crop diamond. He sided with us and thought we were framed, but is he trying to cover up a secret agenda?

Bradley Herman – Dave told us that Bradley acts on impulse; lord knows what this could lead to.

Archie Martins – He's in charge of making all the copies of the Mystery Machine, he's a very likely suspect.

Buddy Ford – He has some connection with us but we just don't know what.

"Or is it Suspect Number six?" said Velma slyly.

"The news reporter" said Fred "Could he be giving us bad press on purpose?"

"We'll soon find out, the television studios are up ahead!" pointed Daphne

Shaggy rubbed his stomach "Like, I hope they have a good canteen"

Welcome back to the Coolsville News. In every Television Executive's life there is a group of people or team of specialists that give you priceless information that could earn you millions of dollars. They are the writing staff, the idea team; the one's who come up with all those kick-ass ideas. And it is they who truly control your TV. It is to them who you must bow down and admit your ignorance every time you do something stupid in daily life and let them pass it off as observational humour. You're right to fear them, for they can destroy some of television's best loved characters just by writing in their death in a twenty-page script. And so the 12th August is to be declared 'Buddy Ford Day' by the Mayor, government and anyone who has a say in the matter. You are encouraged to buy the famous writer a lunch or install a home theatre system in his office. He insulted you by churning out ill-fated reality shows such as 'The celebrity-lock-in-a-room show' or 'loose weight or I'll kill you' and now he wants an appreciation day! Well I for one say, "Let's give it to him!" It's not like we have a choice. I'm Eddie Holloway, I won't be back tomorrow.

Mystery Inc had entered the studio while Holloway was reading this and now that the report was over they went up and congratulated him.

"Wow! You sure can tell it like it is!" Shaggy said "You remain my favourite journalist to this day!"

"Shaggy we're supposed to be grillin' him!" whispered Fred and then to Holloway "Let's make one thing clear. I know, well, um... I strongly suspect that you're the one behind all this bad press Mystery Inc have been getting lately"

"But Mr Jones, I merely read the news!" protested Eddie "Look, it's on the screen up there!"

"Rurprise reviction ronight at ren pm?" Scooby read off the autocue.

"Oh, that's Ford's new scheme to get back into the television industry" Eddie groaned "This time he seems to think that horror sells"

"Horror? Zoinks!"

"Yeah, he traps twelve people on a bus for ten weeks and then convinces them they're being eaten one by one when it's actually a surprise eviction by public vote" explained Holloway

"That's horrible!" Daphne remarked "I bet he's not popular around here"

"Well not really" Eddie replied "But he has got this new show in development that he says is going to be really big and everyone seems to agree!"

"What's the show?"

"Oh, nothing you'd be interested in" Eddie quickly replied "Now run along now. The commercial break is almost over"

Velma turned to the gang "Guys, I think we just eliminated our first suspect"


	3. Chapter 3

Part Three

Shaggy wasn't having the best day of his constant-fearing life. He had only just been discharged from hospital the week before after his infamous confrontation with the phantom hippy hater when he had been hit repeatedly with an aluminium baseball bat. Then during his hospital stay, he'd only managed to eat half of what he was eating normally and told to sleep all the time, which had really cheesed him off. Talking of food, he'd had nothing since breakfast and now he found himself crawling up a tube, so narrow he'd get stuck if he didn't keep moving, towards a rocket that Buddy Ford's big company thingy was preparing to launch in less that five minutes.

"Like, why are we doing this again?" he asked

"Mits ma mit mard mo may manything mith mour moot min my mouth!" Mumbled Fred, who was crawling up behind him.

"What was that Fred?"

"He said, it's a bit hard to say anything with your foot in his mouth" replied Velma, who was behind Fred.

Daphne was behind Velma with Scooby bringing up the rear. She was squirming. "Ew! Gross!"

Velma sighed, as this had happened about five times already "You found another bug Daph?" she asked.

"No, your skirt!" Daphne answered "I've never seen it up this close before, I mean what were you thinking where you bought it? Does red really do anything for you?"

Fred pulled Shaggy's trainer out of his windpipe and tried to get a view of the rest of the gang through a gap in his legs. It was very hard as a leader to give orders to the gang when all he could currently see immediately in front of him was Shaggy's bottom. Nevertheless he called backwards and hoped someone heard him. "We've got to keep moving" he said "This rocket's going to launch any minute!"

"Rocket? Ruh-oh!" Scooby gulped. He'd been in rockets more often that a dog should have and his experience hadn't been nice. Long remembered was his narrow escape on the moon level whilst escaping from the phantom virus.

"Scooby's right, I don't like the sound of this" Shaggy whimpered "Rockets go whoosh and turn you inside out and stuff."

"Rinside out?"

"That's right Scooby"

"No it isn't" corrected Fred "Now keep moving…"

He was interrupted by the sound of announcer over the sound system. "Ready for take off in 5…"

"Great" groaned Fred "Now we'll miss the launch!"

"4…"

"Rorry" Scooby apologised

"3…"

"It isn't your fault Scoob" said Shaggy

"2…"

"No it's yours" Velma alleged.

"Hey!"

"1…"

"What a really really big waste of time!" mumbled Daphne

"Lift off aborted." Came the sound of the dead-pan announcer "Would the owner of the blue and green van please come to the front desk"

Everyone looked at Fred.

"Don't look at me!" Fred protested "I gave it to some valet parking guy in the carpark"

"Fred, this is a rocket launch site." Velma informed him "Valet parking?"

It dawned on Fred. "Ooops"

"Can we just get out of here?" Shaggy groaned "I'm not as claustrophobic as the next dude, but this is really starting to freak me out"

Fred agreed, and getting his own back on the shagster, head butted the beatnik up the tube until he collapsed out on the other side of the pipe.

"Like… ow" was all he could say as the others climbed out after him.

"Buddy Ford's rocket." Said Velma "'Fava Dasas'" she read off the side. "What do you suppose that could mean? It's not Latin, or Greek or anything."

"It reans trouble!" Scooby wailed

"It means that the answer is going to be inside that rocket. That's the reason we're here" said Fred, already starting to make his way up the entrance ramp. "There's something in there that they don't want us to see, and since they won't launch until the mystery machine is moved, it gives us ample time to look around"

Tentatively, the gang stepped through the airlock and into the 'Fava Dasas', only to find in horror, that the door slapped shut and locked itself.

"Jeepers!" Daphne cried, jumping into Fred's arms "We're trapped!"

Scooby looked out of a small porthole to see a dark figure running away. He seemed to have microphone headset on. Maybe he worked in the control room. Velma rushed to the controls and clicked on a mass of different coloured keyboards.

"The atmospheric pressure is depressurizing" She babbled "Before long we'll become more squashed than a claustrophobic sardine in a trash compactor!"

This news had led the distraught Shaggy and Scooby to start howling, huddled up in the corner in the room. "I'm too young to die! I just finished collecting all the coupons for the mega veggie burger at the Coolsville drive-in!"

"Pull yourselves together you two" ordered Fred "We're not done for yet. Right Velms"

Velma looked at the rest of the gang with a tiny teardrop in the corner of her glasses. "I'm sorry Fred" she said "I'm sure you wanted it to end with a battle with a monster or a werewolf. But there's nothing, I can do. These controls are configured for in-flight use, the air purifying systems are back at command HQ"

It dawned on Daphne "I can't die. I'm too pretty to die! Tell her she's wrong Freddy! We can call for help surely!"

"soundproof casing" muttered Fred, eyes fixed on the floor.

A silence hung for an eerily long time. Shaggy and Scooby began to cough.

"Like, this is it dudes. Time for the air to ship out"

"If we go out, we go out together, right?" Fred said.

"Right" said the gang.

Up above them, Buddy Ford observed the gang's slow death with a knowing grin. "Switch to Camera five" he said. The petrified staff obeyed him. "It's better this way." Said Buddy "the death of Mystery Inc on National television. You'd be surprised how many people will watch this. War movies, beat-em-up video games, we welcome death. Let's home the gang will"

"Freddy. I just wanted to say… I love you"

"Back at you Daphne"

"Goodbye old Scooby old buddy old pal"

"Rye Raggy"

Velma herself, opened her mouth to say her goodbye, but the air had already escaped her lungs.

Mystery Inc were dying, and there was nothing they could do about it……


	4. Chapter 4

Part Four

"Zoinks! Scooby Doo, where are you?"

Shaggy found himself in a room of blazing whiteness and scrambled to his feet. The room felt like it went on forever, yet at the same time was just big enough to hold him. He reached out to put a hand on the wall and fell flat on his face.

"Ouch"

"No not try to escape Mr Rodgers. You will find that breakout is quite impossible"

The voice came from far in the distance and down the back of Shaggy's neck simultaneously. Was he looking down on him or had the sick freak hoisted him high above so people could look up at him? He pulled himself, back onto his feet and found he couldn't see more than a metre in front of him. He squinted into the brightness.

"I was back on the rocket with the gang. There was no air" He double taked, "Am I in heaven?"

"No Mr Rodgers, you're quite safe… for now"

"What do you mean, man?" Shaggy asked, "Where's the crew? Where's scoob?"

"All your questions, will be answered in time." The voice replied, "In the mean time, try to get some rest."

Velma found herself in a room of darkness. Once again, the voice called out to her from all directions at different pitches and volumes.

"Jinkies!" she squirmed, clamping her hands over her ears "Stop that!"

The voice stabilized and finally the words became audible.

"Velma-elma-elma-elma-elma-ma-ma-ma-ma-a, Velma-elma-elma-elma-elma-ma-ma-ma-ma-a, please-ease-ease-ease-ease, help-elp-elp-elp-elp!"

"What? Who? Who is that?" she called

"Velma-elma-elma-elma-elma-ma-ma-ma-ma-a, they've-ey've- ey've- ey've-ve-ve-ve, got me-got me-ot me-ot me-t me-t me-me-me-me-ehh" The voice echoed on

"Who's got you?" Velma asked.

"Jeepers-eepers-eepers-pers-pers-ers-ers! Creeper-reeper-reeper-eeper-eeper-per-er!"

"Daphne? Is that you?" Velma replied "You see the creeper?"

She took one step forward, but it was enough. She'd walked face-first into a wall and crushed her glasses. "oh no" She groaned "Now, I can't see even if there is light"

Fred could hear Daphne's voice too. "I don't know who you are, but you're a sick individual and should be locked up! What have you done with Daphne?"

Shaggy's voice came from six feet behind him. "Like Fred, what's all the shouting man?"

"Shaggy?"

"Who else? Look, I'd like to talk to you" the voice said "It was about what you said to Daphne"

Fred realised he'd now admitted his feelings for Daphne in front of the whole gang. "Um…Yeah?" he cautiously replied.

"Well, what she said to you wasn't true dude" Shaggy said "She loves me!"

"WHAT?" came Fred's response

"Oh yeah, we've been seeing each other for a while" Shaggy continued casually "She only sees you because she feels sorry for you not having a girl. I expect she feels the same about me, she's been dating half of Coolsville!"

"You're lying!"

"I wish I was Fred" said Shaggy "Truth is, she just can't say no to anyone! Ha! Ha! Including me. I make good use of her, sending her down the pizzeria to get food at any time of the day"

"You stole my girlfriend and then used her as a Pizza Girl!" Fred yelled, clearly enraged "Not only did you betray me, but you treat women like waitresses! You're a class five idiot!"

"Say that again Fred!" Said Shaggy sternly

"I SAID, you're a class five IDIOT, beatnik!" Fred roared.

Before he knew it they were both down on the ground in a mass of thrashing limbs and flying fists. Fred had made the first move, unable to contain his anger and shoved Shaggy onto the ground with a thud, but the slacker had countered him straight away but grabbing his foot and bringing him onto the ground too, only he landed particularly vulnerable on his back, giving Shaggy ample time to deliver a few nasty blows to his face, but his first opportunity came to fight back and kick him in the stomach, breaking the too of them apart and giving Fred the upper hand. "Perhaps a knuckle-sandwich will satisfy your hunger" he snarled, giving him just that. Getting to his feet and examining his bloody knuckles, he realised something was wrong.

"Like, groovy groovy g-g-g-g-groovy scoob scoob sc-sc-sc-sc-scoob"

A robot. Still standing in darkness, Fred was unable to evaluate the likeness. Still, it was better him and not the real Shaggy. He never knew he could get so out of control over his feelings for Daphne. At least he knew she returned them. Better not mention this to her or the rest of the gang when he finally located them.

Little did Fred know, Shaggy was not the only one to be mimicked by a robot as his robotic double seized hold of Daphne's neck and threw her into a corner of the pitch black room.

"Freddy, it's not true!" she wailed

"All these years behind my back with one of my best friends!" said the robot Fred "Every time I split up to search for clues, I was searching with a liar!"

"Can't we just talk about this?" Daphne stammered

"Talk? What about all those talks we had sitting on top of the mystery machine at night looking up at the stars and talking till the sun came up? And for what? For you to go behind my back with a sponge-back-boned slacker with no brains and an eating disorder!"

Daphne felt the robotic hand clamping down on her hand and getting tighter and tighter "Freddy, you're hurting me!" she screamed and was forced to let loose a kick to the chest of the robot Fred, who slowly collapsed onto the ground, exposing what it truly was.

"C-c-c-c-c-c-c'mon, gang gang gang gang g-g-g-g-g-gang…"

Pandemonium had broken out in Shaggy's room as the robot Scooby chased him throwing various non-vegetarian foodstuffs at him.

"Scoob! I did not destroy the Scooby Snack recipe from the Coolsville Patent Office, honest!" Shaggy howled as a tin of Spam narrowly missed his rear end.

"Rou've rated re for rears and rever rold me! Relma rold me ro!"

Shaggy hit the deck as a box of fillet steaks flew over his shoulder and then started running once more. "I don't hate you dude, I'm always singing your praises Scooby"

"Rou rie to ry race roo!" Scooby growled and launched himself at his owner, who screamed and ducked out of the way to see Scooby hit the wall and smash into a thousand pieces.

"Like, weird!" a shocked Shaggy remarked, "It was only a robot Scooby. I suppose the real Scooby would have eated half the things he threw, ha! Ha!"

"Well done Mr Rodgers" came the booming voice again "You have passed the first of many challenges that await you. This was an easy test, but they will get harder as the time goes on."

The black slit appeared in the brilliant whiteness, which appeared to be a door, so Shaggy walked through it and found himself in more pleasant surroundings.

"Groovy, like, some sort of café!" He observed, the fine furnishings of leather sofas, bean bag chains and a buffet which immediately caught his attention. That was, after the arrival of his best friend.

"Raggy!"

"Scooby Doo!" Shaggy cried and jumped into a bear hug with his dog. "Like, where are we?"

They peered out of a wall-to-wall window over the barren landscape that lay before them. No life seemed to be there at all, but they were about to find out there was.

They had landed on the Planet of Monsters


End file.
